Friday, July 19

I called the Consulat General of France today with some questions about my Visa. They are located in San Francisco, so I assumed they would all speak English. No problem. I give them a call.

"Consulat General du France. Bonjour. Assistez s'il vous plait."

Ack! Caught off guard, I hang up the phone, plan out my questions in French, then try again.

Call again, then feel incredibly stuipid when I realize it's a recording. I listen to the options, then select an option for English. Everything's looking good. I wait for the student visa extention. Put on hold. French music. No idea what language the answering person will speak. Another recording.

(In French), "I am not available right now. Please leave your name and number and I will call you back."

Hmmmm. Do I leave a message in French or English? Hang up.

Call back and hope I get a live person, otherwise I will leave the message in French for them to call me back at work, and hope I am the one who answers the phone. Wait through the menu and hold again only to find that all of my hanging up and calling back has made the time pass and the office close. Damn.

Tuesday, July 16

"Spokane Art School. This is Stacia"

"Do you know who Bob Hope is honey?" Quick moment of panic that someone improtant like a board member is unfortunately also named Bob Hope. I venture a guess.

"Yes, I do."

"Well, do you know who insert random list of names here some of which I recognize to be local artists are?"

"Umm, I recognize a few of those names."

"Well, I did this wonderful oil painting of Bob Hope, Albert Einstein and JFK at a dinner party. My daughter in California got me Bob Hope's address, and I sent him a picture of the painting, and his wife bought it. She loves it. Would you believe that I have 2 handwritten letters from Mrs. Bob Hope herself saying how much she loves the painting?"

"Wow. That's really cool." What the fuck does this have to do with me??

"Well, I called to give you a a laugh and share with someone who cares. I told the newspapers, but none of them are interested."

"Well, thank you for calling." Is this bizarre conversation over yet?

"Do you want to hear another funny story? This is hilarious."

"Umm... sure."

"Bob Hope entertained my husband for years in the war and for 3 years all he ate is rice" I'm assuming the husband, not Bob Hope "And guess what... he absolutely HATES rice."

Hysterical laughter on the other end of the line.

"Well honey, I really have to be going. You have a nice day."

"Thanks. You too." Ummm... ???

What makes this story really funny is that when I told my boss, she said, "Oh, that must be Dee Dee. She sold that picture years ago. She's crazy."

The end.